NEW HOME FOR MY MOMMY BLOG!

i realized that as awesome as blogspot is, i'd prefer to operate from another site...

here's my new mommy blog site:

akingsnewpurpose.tumblr.com

T's Truths

***i recently wrote this post for a friend's blog (CHECK OUT Sex & The Twenties at corriebradshaw.com) and its special to me....wouldn't be right if i didn't include it on my own!***

Happy New Year everyone! Made your resolution(s) yet? Broken your resolution(s) already? Great! Now, there seemed to be a slight uproar a few days ago about whether or not people should make resolutions, or want to change, or claim the new year as ‘their own’…blah, blah, blah. I’ll let everyone make their own choices about how to proceed with their new year plans and goals, but I do have one suggestion. See, me, I’ve decided to work on changes I started in 2011 and fight for progression on a few journeys I have ahead of me.

January 2012 I find myself at the end of my graduate school journey (*insert hallelujah shout and praise dance here*) and at the beginning of my journey into motherhood! Let me just say, growing and contemplating caring for a whole, small person will make you rethink the world and your place in it. At least it has done so for me. As excited as I (now) am, I understand that I’m going to be another single black mommy fighting to establish purpose for myself in this world, as well as guiding my little one to find theirs. But I’m cool with that. I recently stated in a facebook status, “…in the moment I recognize it is not about you (others in general), not even about me,
EVERYTHING changes”. While change starts with me, everything is now about my munchkin, my unexpected, but blessed gift from God. So in order to be in the right place to help my young one find who they will be, I’m making a point to know, be, and love me.

While it’s only been a few days (since the new year started), one thing I’ve done is recognized (what I feel) are very unique and important characteristics within myself. Things I need to keep in mind, and not necessarily change, as I go forth on my journeys. SELF EVALUATION (key phrase for today, my friends) is good. Heck, its great. And it is healthy. And you don’t even have to change things if you don’t want, just acknowledge them. I feel that my personal inventory (another good phrase y’all) is beneficial in helping me understand why I do what I do, why certain things (only) happen to me {because we all feel this way sometimes}, why certain things are so important to me while others don’t even register on my care-o-meter. Some items in my inventory are great…some not so great, according to others’ standards. I don’t care, these things make me, me. So, here are just a few things from T’s personal inventory, my ‘Truths’, if you will. Judge me if you’d like…that’s fine. I’ll be aight.

·I am in loooove—I’m in love, I’m in love, I’m in love…*mary j. voice* --not with a person, though. I’m in love with LOVE. Follow me here… I now live for the moments that keep me believing that love is possible. My last few years I was far from being this person. I was cold-hearted, fought to hold back any and every emotion. These days, I adore the times I can just sit in a chair, stare at and rub my belly. I adore every moment I’ve had to take care of my mother after her recent surgery, knowing she’s done so much more for me. I adore the random calls from a best friend, just checking on me and shooting the breeze for hours—just ‘cause. These moments with these people keep my faith in love. All kinds.

·I am viciously loyal…but not to everyone. Sound crazy? Maybe. It’s real though. I had to realize some time ago, I cannot and will not be friends with everyone. I cannot have everyone’s back, especially since everyone will not have mine. Don’t get me twisted, I’m not a snake, but I am my first priority (at least til the baby gets here) and there is a line of succession that follows. Sure, I’m cool with tons of people, but “friend” is not a term I use loosely. Therefore, I encourage others not to believe just because you hung out with homegirl or homeboy a few times, went to the club, exchanged a few texts, that denotes a friendship. While it does for some, it does not for me (and others, I am sure).

·I am not sorry, I will not apologize. You heard me correctly. I will definitely admit that I’ve done a lot of effed up stuff in my years (…let’s not even discuss undergrad). But every single thing that has happened to me, or because of me, has made me a better person or taught a valuable lesson. My current situation even (won’t go into details—sorry nosey folk), will probably stir up a lot of bull and emotion. And that’s fine. But it is life, is shaping my life, and I accept and do not regret my decisions. We’ll all live, trust me.

·I am mature beyond my years, but I do not know everything. Common sense statement right? Nah… I know plenty of people that swear they are all-knowing, all-seeing, guru of all that is. Not I. I can definitely attribute some of that to the anxiety of becoming a parent. Just the other day I had a mini-breakdown, crying about whether or not I will be a good mommy. My mom candidly said, “the fact that you even asked the question, and care whether you will—means you will”. While that made me feel better for the moment, my mind is still racing. I am about to be responsible for A.NOTHER.PERSON. I am willing to take all the wisdom thrown my way. (*sidenote: ladies and gents, don’t let it take having a baby on the way before you realize you don’t know ish about ish. K?)

·I am not perfect, but I am perfectly me. Now, I don’t know everything, but I (finally) can say I know who I am. There is nothing like that feeling. I understand I will continue to change and grow, but I know ME—my hopes, beliefs, values…you know, all those intangible things that make you, you. And guess what…I am happy with me.

let's talk about SEX!!!

no, no...not that kind of sex. i'd safely say its quite late for that convo (lol). i mean gender.

finding out the sex of your baby before birth is a major deal these days. of course, my dear mother makes fun of us "new-fangled mothers" and our many ultrasounds and new technology. "when i was pregnant, i had ONE ultrasound, and all i really got to do was hear the heartbeat. we HAD to be surprised when we had babies..." she says. all i can do is laugh. she's right, but with all the new technology, why not take advantage?

i will admit, for a while, i had decided i did want to be surprised. at my dr. appointment in december, i had an ultrasound to check my cervix and the tech said she could see what the baby was and tell me...if i wanted to know. to my surprise, i declined and didnt think twice about it. well, maybe just twice, but i was cool. my reasons for now knowing, random as they may be, made perfect sense to me then and i stuck with my decision. first, i honestly don't mind having a boy or girl. this is my first, and all i pray is that Munchkin is healthy. second, and this is a goofy reason, i really didnt want people buying my kid super gender specific (or, ugly) stuff. i know it sounds crazy, but you all know this happens too often. someone see something they think is soooo cute. you see this cute outfit (because it's usually clothing), hate it, and immediately vow to NEVER put your kid in it. moms...don't act like it isnt true! another thing, i hate pink AND blue! babies can wear other colors now, cant they? can we pass the memo to baby shower shoppers across the nation? thanks.

anyhow, a (sad) realization i've come to is *sigh*, no matter if i, or others, know the sex for sure, it won't stop people from buying super gender specific and UGLY stuff. so scratch all that, i guess...

on the other hand, there are plenty of good reasons (i've learned) for find out the baby's gender.

• you can make more concrete decisions about decor and clothing
• you can get insight from family or friends with children of the same sex on their experience raising a kid of that gender (although ALL experiences will be different)
• MOST IMPORTANTLY...EVERYONE ELSE WANTS TO KNOW even if you don't! *hint of sarcasm on 'most importantly'

so, i've talked to family and friends, even posed the question on facebook. 'should i find out the sex of the baby?' most have seemed to vote 'YES' and given different reasons why. my anatomy ultrasound is monday morning, so i have a few more days to decide...DO I WANT TO KNOW? BOY OR GIRL?

ninja.

...i think my kid wants to be one. and apparently womb training has begun.

what did i expect???

these days, we live in a world of what my mommy calls "new-fangled mothers". please don't ask me where she got the world "fangled"...i don't know. anywho, i kind of understand what she means. between new books, blogs, pre- and post-natal products and procedures, expecting mothers of today have much more knowledge and a little more control over planning pregnancy, going through pregnancy, and caring for our newborns. with all this wonderful knowledge right at my fingertips, i have to be honest, i'm still scared to death. i do have faith that i will be a wonderful mother...but this is very new territory for me. i am taking it day by day, and each day seems to hold some new pregnancy discovery for me, lol.

this past christmas, my mom bought me the book "what to expect when you're expecting" (at my request, of course). i have enjoyed reading the book. it's insightful and gives you a little more information than the old wives' tales women have relied on for years. i love that it even incorporates some of the wives' tales and explains how or why i may experience certain things. now, some things the book mentions scares me to death (i.e. hemorrhoids...*shudders*), and i realize they may not even happen to me. ***EVERY PREGNANCY IS DIFFERENT*** but i like that it discusses things that i should be prepared for just in case. great example...the other morning my nose starts gushing blood. no rhyme or reason. the funniest thing is, i kept calm and said to myself, "the book said this might happen", lol. i'm somewhat of a drama queen sometimes so it was nice to feel a little prepared and not freak out.

don't get me wrong, i am not going to live by this book. i listen to my doctor, my mother, family and friends with children, and most importantly, my common senses and my body. but it is nice to have something to reference when i need a straight to the point explanation of various pregnancy "phenomena"! books like this are good for first time mothers, especially those like myself, who appreciate written information sometimes.

another cool part of the book is that it is broken down by months and shows and tells you particular information about that month. it shows pics of what your baby probably looks like, explains what you may be experiencing (physically and emotionally), and gives tips on how to actually enjoy that point in pregnancy! nice...

well, i’ve decided to document my path into being a mommy…blog style. i guess it’s cool (*shrugs*), maybe therapeutic. whatever it is, i hope some of you enjoy it. if not, i know i will!

some things i’ll share to get you started:

-may will be a huge month for me! 1. i graduate from grad school (whoot, whoot), after a long 2 years. 2. i will give birth to my first little bundle of joy (sometime between the 21st and 26th)

-i hate capital letters. random, i know, just thought i would warn you.

-i love dry humor and sarcasm, there will be some scattered in my writings i am sure.

-25, just moved back in with my mommy (and loving it), currently single, black female…not at all addicted to retail

-i am the ultimate pregnant lady…craaazy mood swings, interested in all things ‘baby’, and so on…

-the name of my blog represents the 2 names i’ve chosen for my baby: ryan (little king) if it’s a boy, nia (purpose) if it’s a girl

so…i think that’s it for now! more stories, thoughts, feelings, and pics to come!